Me and Nell

Watching the movie Nell with Jodie Foster. I love this movie, but it makes me so sad. It reminds me of how it feels to come out of agoraphobia. The whole world feels scary and unreal and I'm not used to it, but with my "ga inje" (guardian angel) I feel better and safer.
I feel so sad right now. The loss of who and what I used to be, and who and what I am now. God dammit, why did you do this to me? I want my fucking life back! I want to dance and sing and act and enjoy my life again. I don't want to be this shell of a human being, afraid to drive too far or get too upset.
Where am I? I want to find myself again.

It's Thursday, but oh how I wish it was Friday!!!! I didn't feel like going to work today. Worked on my column for the Spanish newspaper, don't even know if it will make it in. So tired. Tired tired tired. I wish I felt better. Do I have chronic fatigue or don't I? All tests have always been inconclusive.
Will I ever get better? Will I ever fully get my life back? Will I ever be able to go back to teaching?
For now, it's back to bed. At least for the next 30 minutes.

fighting racism in San Juan Capistrano

at San Juan Capistrano City Council meeting. Our City Council decided to prohibit overnight parking on two city streets where a lot of lower income people park. We used to park there when we stayed overnight at Mom's house. A group of people in town calling themselves Pro Patria and/or SJC Americans complained so much that the City Council decided to form an "ad-hoc" committee to address the issues. Pro Patria put pressure on them to do something about illegal immigrants living and working in SJC and they suggested taking away the parking. So stupid. Anyway, a bunch of them are racist pigs.
We are here at the meeting with some people from CREER to try and get the City Council to reconsider the parking ban. I, personally, think the councilmembers do have a heart and will reconsider. I wish Pro Patria, SJC Americans and the Minutemen would just go somewhere else and take their hateful poison with them.

I'm so trendy now!

My first blog. Can't believe it, I am so trendy now! I mostly created this so I could comment on Jorge Garcia's blog- Dispatches from the Island, but I guess I do have stuff to say.

It's a cloudy day in San Juan Capistrano. Good day for gardening.